Monday, January 22, 2018

CHAT | New Year, New Me! Resolutions and Acne Update


January 1st 2018  //  November 27th 2017
TUTORIAL  |  HOW I COVER ACNE + REDNESS + SCARRING
Hello, everyone! I have finally started settling into 2018 and believe it or not, it look me three weeks to do so.  Moving has kept me rather preoccupied lately.  There are lots of changes happening for me this year, but despite how scared I feel sometimes, I can't wait to start blogging regularly again.  It has taken me so much longer than I anticipated, but I have sorted most things out and back into a manageable groove.

My resolution this year is to vlog more to share more of me and my life, which is something many of you have asked for years.  Quite frankly, I wasn't ready to share more about myself and open up my private life to judgment and scrutiny from strangers.  Let's face it; the internet has become an intimidating place and I simply wasn't brave enough.  Time and maturity have changed me for the better, though, so my insecurities never overwhelm me.  I'm no longer at odds with who I am.

Although crossfit made me stronger faster and more well-rounded than ever, practicing yoga more regularly in 2017 is what changed my body, my perspective, and my mindset drastically.  Sometimes I look back and I feel emotional because of how much I have grown as a human being.  The last two years were a struggle for me because I was lost in so many different realms, wandering without direction and without meaningful intent.  The stress started to manifest physically, with yo-yo weight gain/loss as well as hormonal acne, which hasn't gone unnoticed by my audience.

Every time I would walk by a mirror, I felt destroyed.  I felt so much shame.  I stopped looking into mirrors period and only looked at myself when I had to put makeup on or film.  But as my dermatologist said, my body and my hormones were changing down to the DNA (every seven years) and it made a traumatic mess of my face.  I quit taking pre-workout due to creatine which causes testosterone imbalances, and a combination of birth control with topical treatments like my Epiduo and chemical peels are making a huge difference.

But I am healing inside and out.  My skin is so much better, my mental health is so much better, my life is so much better.  I've never been so much in tune with my body and I've even made progress towards managing my anxiety.  I feel more optimistic than ever.  I'm still working on "real" confidence but I'm grateful to have rediscovered myself.  Thanks to everyone for being patient and understanding, and I look forward to bringing you totally different types of content this year!
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